How to say “my boss is bullying me” professionally
Why it can fall flat
“my boss is bullying me”
People usually say “my boss is bullying me” when they are hurt and fed up, but the label invites defensiveness and gives the listener nothing concrete to act on. Most writers want the specific behavior taken seriously and stopped.
Say this instead
- 01
I'd like to speak with you in confidence about how I'm being treated by my manager. It has affected my work and wellbeing, and I'd like to explain. Could we meet this week?
Boss · Email
Use this with your manager's manager, since it asks for a private meeting and keeps accusations out of writing.
- 02
Do you have 15 minutes today? I want to raise a concern about repeated behavior from my line manager that I find hostile, and I'd value your advice on next steps.
Boss · Chat
A quick, low-drama first step with a senior person you trust, as long as the chat is private.
- 03
Can I run something by you in confidence? I've been on the receiving end of repeated put-downs from our manager and it's wearing me down. Have you noticed it too?
Coworker · Chat
Good for checking whether a trusted colleague has seen the same pattern before you decide what to do.
- 04
Got a minute to talk later? The way our manager treats me has become really hard to cope with, and I'd like a sounding board. Please keep it between us.
Coworker · SMS
Choose this when you want support from a trusted colleague outside work channels and no details in writing.
- 05
I am writing to raise a formal concern about my manager's conduct toward me. I have kept dated notes of the incidents and can share them. Please confirm how this will be handled and the likely timeline.
Boss · Email
Reach for it when informal talks have not helped and you need a written record that asks for a clear process.
- 06
I'm open to new roles. I'd rather not go into detail, but my current working situation has become unsustainable because of how I'm managed, so I'm looking for a team with respectful leadership.
Recruiter / HR · Email
Fits a job search, where you want to explain why you are leaving without a long account of the conflict.
- 07
Hi, could we speak privately today? It's about how I'm being treated at work and I'd rather explain in person. It matters to me.
Boss · SMS
Best when you need an urgent private conversation and want to keep the details out of a text.
Examples
Hi Gemma, I'd like to talk to you in confidence about how I'm being treated by Mark. Over the last two months there have been several incidents, including being criticized loudly in front of the team, and it is affecting my work. I have dated notes and can go through them with you. Could we meet this week? Thanks, Prakash
Hi Gemma, do you have 15 minutes today? I need to raise a concern about how Mark has been speaking to me in meetings, and I'd like your advice on what to do next.
What to avoid
- Don't send it in a group channel or any chat that others can see.
- Words like always and never invite pushback, so name specific incidents with dates instead.
- Guessing at motives, such as saying he hates you, weakens your case, so stick to what was said or done.
- Memory fades and gets challenged, so keep dated notes of what happened and who was there.
- Anger shows in the writing, so draft it, wait an hour, then reread before sending.