A kinder way to say “I'm being bullied”
Why it can fall flat
“I'm being bullied”
People usually say “I'm being bullied” after weeks of put-downs, and the label can make the listener defensive or ask what exactly happened. Most writers want the specific behavior named, its effect stated, and a request to stop or investigate.
Say this instead
- 01
Hi Anna, I'd like to talk about how Mark has been treating me. There have been repeated put-downs in meetings and it's affecting my work. Could we meet this week?
Boss · Email
Opens a formal conversation with your boss by naming the behavior and its impact, then asking for a meeting without guessing at motives.
- 02
Do you have 15 minutes today? I need to raise something private. A colleague keeps speaking to me in a demeaning way and I want it to stop.
Boss · Chat
Gets you a quick private slot with your manager so the details can wait for a face-to-face talk.
- 03
Mark, when you mock my work in front of the team, it's not okay. I need that to stop. If you have feedback, please give it to me directly and respectfully.
Coworker · Chat
Suits a moment when it is safe to speak to the person directly, since it is firm, specific and offers a respectful way forward.
- 04
Can I talk something through with you? I've been on the receiving end of constant put-downs from Mark and I'm trying to work out what to do next.
Coworker · SMS
Reaches out to a trusted colleague for support and a second opinion before you decide what to do.
- 05
Theresa, the repeated comments undermining me in team meetings aren't acceptable. I'd like to meet tomorrow to talk it through and agree how we'll work together.
Someone you manage · Email
Fits when someone you manage is targeting you, because it states the behavior plainly and moves to a set meeting.
- 06
I'm happy to help with your issue, but I can't continue if the conversation includes personal insults. Let's keep it to the problem, or I'll need to end the chat.
Customer · Chat
Sets a clear limit with an abusive customer while still offering to solve the actual problem.
- 07
Hello David, I want us to keep working well together. But the tone of recent messages, including remarks about my competence, isn't acceptable. Please keep our exchanges respectful and focused on the work.
Client · Email
Helps when a client crosses a line, since it protects the relationship while stating a clear boundary.
Examples
Hi Anna, I'd like to speak with you about how I've been treated by a team member over the past month. On several occasions, including the 4th and the 12th, I was spoken over and openly ridiculed in front of others, and it is making it hard for me to do my job. Could we find 30 minutes this week to talk it through? I can bring a few notes with dates. Thank you, Jules
Hi Anna, could I have 15 minutes today? I need to talk about repeated demeaning comments from a colleague. It's affecting my work and I'd like to sort it out.
What to avoid
- Saying “bullying” with no examples, when dates, what was said or done, and who saw it make your case far easier to act on.
- Hitting send while angry, when it is better to write the message, wait, and then reread it.
- Guessing at the other person's motives or calling them names.
- Copying in the whole team or venting in a public channel.
- Exaggerating or adding details you can't back up.