What to say instead of “immature”
Why it can fall flat
“immature”
Nothing in “immature” says what the person actually did, so they hear an insult and get defensive. You most likely want one specific behavior to stop, which is easier when you name it and its effect on the work.
Say this instead
- 01
I'd like to talk about how the last team meeting went. The side comments during Emerson's update made it hard to stay on topic. Can we agree some ground rules?
Boss · Email
Pick this email when a pattern is hurting meetings and you want your manager to back a fix without you pointing at one person.
- 02
When you rolled your eyes during my update, it threw me off. If you disagree with my numbers, can you tell me directly so we can sort it out?
Coworker · Chat
Try it for a one-off reaction, since it names the behavior, states its effect and asks for a direct alternative.
- 03
In Tuesday's review you left the call when the feedback got tough. I need you to stay in those conversations, even when they're uncomfortable. Can we talk about what happened?
Someone you manage · Email
Send this to someone you manage when you need to set a clear expectation and still leave room for their side.
- 04
To keep the project on schedule, I'd like us to keep messages focused on the deliverables and the timeline. If something concerns you, please raise it with me directly.
Client · Email
Reach for it when a client's tone or personal remarks are derailing the work and you want to reset without accusing them.
- 05
Your comments about Ritu in the group thread weren't helpful. Please bring concerns to her or to me directly instead.
Coworker · SMS
This suits a quick, private correction when someone is criticizing a colleague in front of others.
- 06
Hi Dan, the last message came across as dismissive after I asked for a few days to decide. I'd like us to keep things respectful and straightforward.
Recruiter / HR · Email
Use it when a recruiter pushes or mocks your pace and you want to hold your position politely.
- 07
I want to help you sort this out, and I can do that best if we keep the conversation respectful. Can we go back to the problem with your order?
Customer · Chat
It fits a customer who is abusive or sarcastic, because it sets a limit and keeps the focus on solving the issue.
Examples
Hi Ian, I wanted to follow up on yesterday's planning meeting. When the discussion got heated, you cut across Leila a few times and made jokes about her proposal. I'd like us to hear each person out before responding, and I'm happy to talk through how we can run these meetings better. Best, Jasmine
Hi Paul, in the stand-up today the sarcastic comments about my estimate made it hard to answer properly. If you think the timeline is off, tell me what you see and we'll look at it together.
What to avoid
- Labels like “immature”, “childish” or “unprofessional” hit the person instead of the behavior, so describe what they did.
- Words like “always” and “never” invite an argument, so point to one or two specific moments.
- A group chat or a long cc list turns a one-on-one issue into a public one, so keep it between you and the person.
- Writing while you're still angry tends to leak into the tone, so wait until you can state the facts calmly.
- Sarcasm and hints leave the other person guessing, so say plainly what you want to change.