Better ways to say “you're not listening to me”

Say this instead

1. 01

   I'm not sure my main point is coming across. Can I say it in one sentence, and then could you tell me what you heard?

   Boss · Chat

   Works when a discussion is going in circles, because it gives you a way to check understanding without blaming anyone.

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2. 02

   I feel like my concern isn't landing. Can you tell me what you're hearing so we can check we're on the same page?

   Coworker · Chat

   Works in a peer disagreement, as it invites them to repeat your point back instead of defending themselves.

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3. 03

   Hi Dana, I want to be sure we both understand each other before we go further. Could we each summarize the other's position on the timeline? I'd like to confirm my concern about it is clear.

   Client · Email

   Works when a client keeps returning to their own point, as a mutual summary feels fair and professional.

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4. 04

   I've raised this a few times and I don't feel it's been taken on board yet. Can we agree what will change, starting with the next task?

   Someone you manage · Chat

   Works when someone you manage keeps repeating the same mistake after you've explained it, because it moves to a concrete next step.

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5. 05

   Quick one: I don't think my point about Friday's plan got through. Can we talk for five minutes today?

   Coworker · SMS

   Works when a chat thread has got tense and a short call would settle it faster than more messages.

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6. 06

   Hi Meera, I've raised the staffing gap twice and I haven't seen it reflected in the plan. Could we set aside 20 minutes this week to go through it properly?

   Boss · Email

   Works for a repeated issue, since it states the facts and asks for dedicated time without accusing your manager.

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7. 07

   Let me pause for a moment. I've mentioned the refund timeline twice, and it matters for what happens next, so may I go through it once more, step by step?

   Customer · Chat

   Works when a customer keeps talking past a key detail, because it asks permission and keeps the tone calm.

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8. 08

   Hello Remy, I've mentioned a couple of times that I can't relocate. Could we focus on roles that are remote or based in this city?

   Recruiter / HR · Email

   Works when a recruiter keeps sending unsuitable roles, as it restates your limit plainly and suggests what would help.

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Examples

What to avoid

• Starting with “you always” or “you never”, which turns a specific issue into an attack on character.
• Raising your voice or repeating the same sentence louder; restate it in different, simpler words instead.
• Making the point in a group channel where the other person has to defend themselves publicly.
• Sarcasm such as “Clearly I'm talking to myself”, which will be remembered longer than your point.
• Saying it only after weeks of frustration; raise it the first or second time it happens.

Related phrases

• Better ways to say “you're aggressive”→
• Better ways to say “you're doing the bare minimum”→
• How to say “this is chaotic” professionally→
• How to say “you're demanding” professionally→
• “You're oblivious”: how to say it politely→
• Better ways to say “it is not working out”→