A kinder way to say “that's disgusting”
Why it can fall flat
“that's disgusting”
Most people say “that's disgusting” in the heat of the moment, after a mess, a crude joke or rude message. It attacks rather than names the problem, so people get defensive, when the writer wants a clear limit and a change.
Say this instead
- 01
I find the state of the kitchen really hard to stomach. Can we all make sure we wash up and clear our things away by end of day?
Coworker · Chat
Shared-space mess is easier to fix this way because you name your reaction and the fix without pointing at one person.
- 02
That joke crossed a line for me. Please don't make comments like that around me.
Coworker · Chat
Right after an offensive remark, this short and firm line keeps the focus on your own reaction.
- 03
The way the customer was talked about in that thread was shocking to me, and it isn't acceptable here. Can we speak this afternoon so I can understand what happened?
Someone you manage · Email
A manager answering disrespectful conduct can use this to state the standard and open a conversation.
- 04
Hi Smita, I need to flag something that really concerns me: the storage area was unsanitary when I checked it today. I think it needs sorting out before the next delivery arrives.
Boss · Email
Raising a hygiene or safety problem upward goes well here, since a strong reaction comes with a clear next step.
- 05
Hi Tyrone, I'm not comfortable with the language in your last message. I'd like us to keep working together, but I need our communication to stay respectful.
Client · Email
You can reject abusive wording from a client here without ending the relationship or backing down.
- 06
I can't continue this chat while that language is being used. I'm glad to carry on helping if we keep it respectful.
Customer · Chat
When a customer turns abusive, this sets a clear limit and still leaves the door open to continue.
- 07
Hello Anita, the comment about my personal life during our call felt inappropriate to me. I'd prefer we keep the conversation to my skills and experience.
Recruiter / HR · Email
A recruiter who has wandered off-topic gets redirected here, with no accusation beyond the comment itself.
- 08
The office fridge has gone really foul. If that lunch is yours, please clear it out today.
Coworker · SMS
Something smelly or ugly in a shared fridge calls for a quick, light nudge so the owner acts.
Examples
Hi Pranav, I went into the shared prep area this morning and found food left out overnight and the surfaces unwashed. I find that really unpleasant, and it is not something we can leave as it is. Could you make sure the area is cleaned before the lunch shift, and let's agree a clear closing routine at tomorrow's huddle? Thanks, Frankie
The bins by the side door haven't been emptied for days and the smell is really bad. Can you sort that today, please? I'd like us to agree who checks them each evening.
What to avoid
- Calling a person disgusting is a trap, so describe the behavior or the situation instead.
- Sarcasm or exaggeration gives people a reason to argue about your tone.
- A group chat is the wrong place for your reaction when a private message would do.
- Stopping at the reaction leaves people guessing, so always say what you want to happen next.
- A softener like “sorry, but” weakens a limit you mean to set.