Better ways to say “be more friendly”
Why it can fall flat
“be more friendly”
When someone seems curt on calls or in messages, people reach for “be more friendly,” but it judges character instead of naming a behavior, so it feels personal and vague. A specific change, like a warmer tone, a greeting or gentler feedback, is usually the goal.
Say this instead
- 01
On client calls, I'd like you to open with a warm greeting, use their name and close with a thank-you. It will make our answers feel more welcoming.
Someone you manage · Chat
Use this with someone you manage, since it names three concrete habits instead of a personality trait.
- 02
In meetings, your replies can come across as blunt. Could you acknowledge the other person's point first and then give your view?
Coworker · Chat
This suits a peer because it describes the effect of their replies and offers one easy change.
- 03
I think the team would raise problems with you sooner if feedback came with a bit more warmth. Could we talk about how that might look?
Boss · Email
Upward requests land better here because the ask is tied to a team benefit and invites a conversation instead of giving an order.
- 04
Our team is keen to deliver for you, and a more courteous tone on our calls would help everyone work well together. Thank you for considering that.
Client · Email
Try it when a client is curt or sharp with your staff and you want to stay polite and firm.
- 05
Hi Jesse, I want to sort this out quickly. Could we keep our messages courteous so we can focus on a fix? Thank you.
Customer · SMS
Pick this when a customer's messages have turned hostile and you still want to solve the problem.
- 06
Your messages have felt quite abrupt so far. I'd appreciate a more personal, warmer tone as we continue talking about this role.
Recruiter / HR · Chat
Send it when a recruiter's brusque style is putting you off and you want to say so plainly.
- 07
Quick note on today's call: please greet people warmly and keep your tone friendlier with the team. Happy to give examples if useful.
Someone you manage · SMS
Short and same-day, this nudge fits when a longer talk will happen later.
Examples
Hi Mehwish, Thanks for covering the Carter account this month. On last week's calls, clients got quick, short answers. I'd like you to bring a warmer tone: a short greeting, their name, and a thank-you at the end. Could we go through one recent call together on Thursday? Best, Marcus
Hey Ethan, in stand-ups your comments can come across as blunt. Could you open with a bit more warmth, like acknowledging the other person's point first?
What to avoid
- Labeling the person as cold, rude or unfriendly backfires, so describe what they did and how it landed.
- Saying “everyone thinks so” feels like an ambush unless you can name real examples.
- Giving this feedback in front of others or in a group message will embarrass the person.
- Vague requests leave people guessing, so ask for one or two specific habits, like a greeting or a thank-you.