Alternatives to “arrogant” at work
Why it can fall flat
“arrogant”
Someone hearing “arrogant” is likely to take it as a verdict on who they are, so they defend themselves instead of listening. Usually you want a specific behavior, like dismissing people or talking down to them, to change.
Say this instead
- 01
I'm finding it hard to work with Justin. In meetings he often dismisses other people's ideas before they've finished. Can I talk you through a couple of examples?
Boss · Chat
Good when you want your manager to step in, since it names a behavior and asks for a conversation instead of pinning a label on Justin.
- 02
When you talk over people in meetings, it comes across as if you think your view is the only one that counts. Can we agree how to run discussions so everyone gets heard?
Coworker · Chat
With a peer, this describes how the behavior lands and suggests a fix, so it stays off the person's character.
- 03
Hi Jasmine, in Tuesday's review you dismissed Ravi's suggestion before he'd explained it. From now on, please hear the full idea and ask questions before you decide.
Someone you manage · Email
Fits when you manage the person, because it gives one clear example and sets a clear expectation going forward.
- 04
Feedback on the candidate: strong technical answers, but he talked down to the junior interviewer and brushed off the panel's questions. I have concerns about how he'd work in a team.
Recruiter / HR · Email
Recruiters get concrete evidence they can weigh in a hiring decision, rather than a vague label that is hard to act on.
- 05
Hello Mr. Shah, the tone in the last few messages to my team has been dismissive. I want us to resolve this, and I'd like to keep our discussions respectful so we can move forward.
Client · Email
This sets a firm boundary with a client while staying polite and keeping attention on solving the problem.
- 06
Happy to keep helping, but I need us both to keep a respectful tone with my colleague. Can we reset and go through the issue again?
Customer · SMS
Suits a customer who is talking down to staff, since it protects your colleague and keeps the conversation open.
- 07
Quick word: calling Blake's question basic in front of everyone put him off asking more. Can you keep your answers friendly? Happy to chat if useful.
Coworker · SMS
Private and brief, this nudge helps when put-downs are discouraging others and you want them to stop without a big discussion.
Examples
Hi Yasmin, In yesterday's planning meeting, you dismissed Sanjay's proposal before he had finished explaining it, and he went quiet for the rest of the session. I'd like you to hear people out and ask questions before you disagree. Could we find ten minutes this week to talk it through? Thanks, Simon
Hi Rhys, in the call today you said Lena's idea was pointless before she'd finished. That made it hard for her to speak up again. Could you ask a question or two before you disagree next time?
What to avoid
- Labels like arrogant, big-headed or full of yourself describe the person rather than what happened, so leave them out.
- Words like always or never invite arguments, so give one or two recent, specific examples instead.
- Venting to colleagues first only spreads the problem, so take it to the person or to someone who can act.
- Wait to write until you can state the facts calmly, because a message sent in anger will read as one.
- Sarcasm and hints leave the other person guessing, so say plainly what you want to change.