“You're being pretentious”: how to say it politely
Why it can fall flat
“you're being pretentious”
Hearing this, the other person feels judged and stops listening to defend themselves. What they actually need is simpler wording that is easier to follow.
Say this instead
- 01
I wonder if the deck could be more useful if we cut some of the buzzwords and focused on the decisions we need to make.
Boss · Email
Framing it as a suggestion tied to the deck's purpose keeps upward feedback about the work, not your boss.
- 02
In the demo, most of the time went on technical detail. Next time, start with what it does for the user.
Someone you manage · Chat
Send it soon after a presentation, since it describes what happened and gives a clear next step with no guess at motive.
- 03
Quick thought on the slides: a few terms need a definition for people outside our team. Could we add a line each, or use a simpler word?
Coworker · Chat
Before a shared document goes out, this points to what the audience needs instead of criticizing the author.
- 04
Some of the terminology in the proposal may be unfamiliar to our team. Could you send a version in simpler language so we can review it properly?
Client · Email
You can ask for clearer wording here without criticizing the client's style, and the review stays on track.
- 05
The email reads quite formal for the team. Shorter sentences and everyday words would probably land better, I think.
Coworker · SMS
A quick private nudge like this fits before something is sent, when a call or long message would be too much.
- 06
The key point in your report is hard to find among the long sentences. Try opening with the conclusion in two lines, then add the detail.
Someone you manage · Email
In written feedback on a draft, it names the specific problem and offers a fix they can try right away.
- 07
The job description uses a lot of jargon, and I can't tell what the day-to-day work involves. Could you describe the role in simpler terms?
Recruiter / HR · Email
When you need real information to decide on a role, this asks for clarity and says nothing about the recruiter.
Examples
Hi Pooja, Thanks for sharing the draft. Some of the wording is quite technical, and I think readers outside the team may lose the main point. Could we shorten a few sentences and use everyday terms for the key ideas? I'm free this afternoon if you'd like to go through it together. Best, Hamish
A few of the phrases in the intro are more elaborate than they need to be. Can we try shorter versions so it's easier to read?
What to avoid
- Guessing at motives with lines like “you're trying to look clever” or “you're showing off” will only make them defensive.
- Point to the wording or the part that lost you instead of labeling the person.
- Sweeping claims such as “you always use big words” or “you never keep it simple” make the feedback feel like an attack.
- Sarcasm like “nice vocabulary” hides the request you actually want to make.
- A group setting is the wrong place for this, so choose a one-to-one chat or a written note.