What to say instead of “you make me uncomfortable”
Why it can fall flat
“you make me uncomfortable”
The other person is likely to hear it as a verdict on who they are, so they get defensive or wave it off as oversensitivity. You usually just want one specific behavior to stop, and naming it makes that clear.
Say this instead
- 01
I'm not comfortable with comments about how I look. Please stop making them.
Coworker · Chat
Reach for this when remarks about your appearance keep coming, since it names the behavior and asks for a clear change.
- 02
Your comments about Ana's accent in the call weren't okay, and they need to stop. Let's talk after standup.
Someone you manage · Chat
As a manager, you name the remark, set the expectation and move the conversation to a proper talk.
- 03
Hello Mr. Jones, I'd like to keep our conversations focused on the project. Please stop the personal comments about me. Thanks, [Name]
Client · Email
With a client who crosses a line, this stays polite and brings the focus back to the work.
- 04
Hi [Name], The way Chris jokes about my work in meetings makes me uncomfortable, and I'd like your help with it. Could we talk this week? Thanks, [Name]
Boss · Email
Choose this when a pattern isn't stopping and you want your manager involved, not just informed.
- 05
Please don't put your hand on my shoulder. I'm not comfortable with that.
Coworker · SMS
For unwanted touching, it gives a short, unmistakable message that you can keep a record of.
- 06
I'm happy to keep helping with your order, but I can't continue if the conversation stays personal. Please keep it to the order.
Customer · Chat
When a customer turns personal, this offers help on the order and sets a limit on the rest.
- 07
Hi [Name], I'd prefer not to answer questions about my family plans. Could we keep to the role and my experience? Thanks, [Name]
Recruiter / HR · Email
If an interview question gets too personal, this declines politely and steers back to the job.
Examples
Hi Mikhail, In today's meeting you interrupted me several times and laughed while I was presenting the plan. That made me uncomfortable, and I'd like it to stop. I'm happy to hear your feedback on the plan itself. Thanks, Aoife
Hi Lesley, when you read my messages out loud in a mocking voice on team calls, I'm not comfortable with it. Please stop. If you have a concern about my work, tell me directly.
What to avoid
- Leaving the behavior unnamed weakens the message, so say what happened, such as the comment, the joke or the touch.
- Guessing at their motives or labeling them with words like “creepy” or “inappropriate person” invites an argument.
- Softening it with “sorry, but” or a joke can make the request easy to ignore.
- If it continues, or involves touching or comments about your body, you can raise it with your manager or HR instead of handling it alone.
- Waiting until you're angry makes it harder, since a short, calm message sent soon is easier to act on.