What to say instead of “you are too loud”
Why it can fall flat
“you are too loud”
“You are” turns a comment about volume into a verdict on the person, so they hear criticism of who they are and get defensive. Asking for a lower volume or a calmer conversation keeps the focus on the situation instead.
Say this instead
- 01
Your voice carries over to my desk, and I'm finding it hard to focus. Could you keep it a bit lower on calls?
Coworker · Chat
Fits a regular desk neighbor, since it names one specific issue and says nothing about them as a person.
- 02
When you're on customer calls, please keep your volume a little lower. The floor is quiet and it carries. The phone booths are free if you'd like more space.
Someone you manage · Chat
Suits a direct report, because it gives a clear instruction, ties it to the space and offers a practical option.
- 03
Hi, voices carry a lot near my desk and it's affecting my concentration on detailed work. Would it be possible to move to a quieter spot? I'm happy to discuss options.
Boss · Email
Good for ongoing noise when you want your manager's help and don't want to name or blame anyone.
- 04
I want to get this sorted for you. Could we keep our messages calm, without capital letters, so I can follow the details properly?
Customer · SMS
Helps when a customer's texts are shouty, because it shows you want to help while asking for a calmer tone.
- 05
I think we're both getting worked up. Can we pause the all-caps and quick replies and go through this one point at a time?
Coworker · Chat
Useful in a heated written disagreement, since it asks both of you to calm down and blames neither.
- 06
Thanks for the call earlier. Your audio came through very loud on my end and was hard to follow at times. Could you move the mic a little further away next time?
Client · Email
Right after a video or phone call, when the problem is technical volume and the setup takes the blame.
- 07
Hi Dana, your audio is coming through very loud on my end. Could you check your volume or mic? Happy to call again if that's easier.
Recruiter / HR · SMS
Handy mid-scheduling or just before a call, when you need a quick and friendly fix.
Examples
Hi Brandon, Our team has client calls most afternoons between 2 and 4, and the noise from your stand-up carries into them. Could we agree on a quieter stand-up during those hours, or could it move to 4:15? Happy to talk through what works for both teams. Thanks, Brenda
Hey Tom, your calls carry over to my desk and I'm trying to finish a report due Friday. Would you be up for swapping seats, or taking calls in the booth this week?
What to avoid
- Words like always or never, as in “you're always so loud”, turn a small request into an attack on character.
- Steer clear of remarks about their voice or personality and stick to the volume and its effect on your work.
- Bringing it up in a group channel or in front of others will embarrass them, so ask privately.
- Sarcasm like “I can hear every word you say” sounds like a dig and tends to get ignored.
- Replying in capital letters while asking for a calmer tone in text undercuts your own message.