Alternatives to “they are difficult” at work
Why it can fall flat
“they are difficult”
Someone hears “they are difficult” and gets defensive, and your real request gets lost. Usually you mean that specific behaviors are making the work hard and you want advice or a change.
Say this instead
- 01
Can we talk about how things are going with Zainab on the launch? We keep ending up with different expectations, and I'd like your advice on handling it.
Boss · Chat
Use this with your manager when you want help and a shared view, since it centers expectations instead of blaming Zainab.
- 02
I'm finding it hard to work with Sam on the vendor project because decisions keep changing late. Could we find 15 minutes this week to look at options?
Boss · Email
Pick this one when you need your manager to act, because it names the pattern and asks for a specific 15-minute next step.
- 03
Have you found it tricky getting approvals through Finance lately? I'm hitting a lot of friction and would like to compare notes before I escalate.
Coworker · Chat
Try it with a peer to learn whether others hit the same friction before you escalate.
- 04
Our working styles seem to differ on this project, and it's slowing us both down. Could we agree on one point of contact and a short weekly check-in?
Client · Email
Send it to a client whose behavior is causing delays, since it proposes structure and doesn't accuse anyone.
- 05
A few recent exchanges with the design team have felt tense. Can we talk about what's going on and how you'd like to handle it?
Someone you manage · Chat
Raise it this way with someone you manage when friction is showing up, because it opens the topic early and invites their side.
- 06
To be upfront, my last team had communication problems that made it hard to do my best work. I'm looking for a role with clearer expectations and regular feedback.
Recruiter / HR · Email
Reach for this when a recruiter asks why you are leaving, since it explains the problem and doesn't insult anyone.
- 07
Hi Mr. Bradley, we want to sort this out. Please send updates to me only, so nothing gets lost between teams. I'll reply by 5 pm today.
Customer · SMS
Text it to a frustrated customer who contacts several people, because it sets one clear route and a firm reply time.
Examples
Hi Meena, I wanted to flag something about the supplier project. Over the last two weeks, Girish's requirements have changed three times after we had agreed the plan, and it is making it hard to meet the deadline. Could we meet for 15 minutes on Thursday to agree how we handle changes from now on? Thanks, Derek
Hi Girish, I'd like us to agree a way of handling changes to the brief, because the late updates are putting the Friday deadline at risk. Do you have 10 minutes today?
What to avoid
- Labels such as “impossible” or “a nightmare” add heat, so describe the specific behavior and its effect instead.
- Steer clear of framing it as a personality problem, and focus on what happened and what you need.
- Venting to several colleagues first tends to spread the story, so go to the person who can help or the person involved.
- Anything you would not want the other person to read shouldn't go into a written complaint.