Saying “stop doing that” at work
Why it can fall flat
“stop doing that”
Most people hear “stop doing that” as a bare command and a personal attack, since it never names the problem, so they get defensive. You usually want one specific behavior to change and the person to see why.
Say this instead
- 01
Could you let me finish my point before jumping in? Then I'd really like to hear your take.
Coworker · Chat
Use it for meeting interruptions, since it asks for one clear thing and leaves room for their view.
- 02
I've noticed my text is being edited directly in the shared doc. Could you leave comments instead, so we can agree on changes before they go in?
Coworker · Email
Try it when someone edits your work without asking, because it names the behavior and offers a replacement.
- 03
Late-evening messages are hard for me to answer well. Could we keep non-urgent requests to working hours, and call me if something is truly urgent?
Boss · Email
Sets a boundary with a manager by explaining the effect on your work and still allowing for urgent cases.
- 04
When priorities change mid-day without notice, I lose work already in progress. Can you tell me before switching so I can plan around it?
Boss · Chat
Good when a pattern keeps disrupting you, since it describes the impact instead of assigning blame.
- 05
Copying the whole department on small questions creates a lot of noise. Please send those to me first, and I'll decide if they need a wider audience.
Someone you manage · Chat
Helps when someone you manage has a habit that affects others, and it gives them a clear new routine.
- 06
To keep your project on track, please send change requests to me rather than to individual team members. That way nothing gets missed or contradicted.
Client · Email
Redirects a client who bypasses the agreed contact, and frames the request around their own outcome.
- 07
Please don't call the driver's personal number. Message our support line instead and we'll sort it out quickly.
Customer · SMS
Fits when a customer reaches the wrong channel, since it points them to the right one.
- 08
Please don't contact me on my work phone. Email me and I'll reply with times that suit me.
Recruiter / HR · SMS
Protects your privacy at a current job and states the alternative plainly while staying polite.
Examples
Hi Sean, I've noticed that client requests are sometimes going straight to the design team instead of through me. This has led to two versions of the same file this week. Could you send all change requests to me first, so I can pass them on in one go? Thanks, Harpreet
Hey Robin, quick one: could you leave comments in the doc instead of editing my sections directly? That way we can agree on changes before they go in.
What to avoid
- Words like “always” or “never” turn a specific behavior into a judgment of the person's character.
- A group channel is the wrong place for this, so raise it privately first.
- Hiding the request inside a joke or sarcasm can leave the person unsure what you actually want.
- Piling on old examples muddies the point, so name the current behavior and one clear alternative.
- Wait to write it until you can calmly describe the effect on your work, because anger shows in the wording.