Better ways to say “please keep this between us”
Why it can fall flat
“please keep this between us”
Listeners may hear a request for secrecy and feel pulled into something awkward, since it gives no reason the details are private or how long they should stay that way. Holding specific details back for a clear reason and a set period sounds far more considerate.
Say this instead
- 01
Could this stay between the two of us for now? I'd like to sort out my plan before anyone else hears about it.
Boss · Chat
Early sharing with a boss is fine here because it gives a reason and signals the privacy is only for now.
- 02
Can you keep what I told you to yourself until tomorrow? I'm telling my manager first and want her to hear it from me.
Coworker · SMS
Giving a clear reason (your manager hears it first) and an end point of tomorrow makes this easy to agree to.
- 03
This information isn't public yet, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't pass it on outside your team until we confirm the date.
Client · Email
Clients get a clear sense of what is private and who it should stay away from, which suits early sharing.
- 04
I'm telling you this early so you can prepare. Please don't mention it to the team yet. I'll announce it on Monday.
Someone you manage · Chat
Explaining why they hear it first and naming Monday as the date makes the wait feel reasonable.
- 05
You're one of a small group of customers we're telling early because you've given us such useful feedback. Please don't share the details until the public announcement. After that, feel free to pass it on.
Customer · Email
Customers learn why they were chosen and when sharing becomes fine, so the request feels like trust instead of a gag.
- 06
Please keep my application confidential. I haven't told my current employer I'm looking. Could you check with me before contacting anyone?
Recruiter / HR · Email
Early in a job search this states the reason and asks for one specific action, checking with you first.
- 07
I'd rather that didn't go any further. It's personal and I'm not ready for people to know. Thanks for understanding.
Coworker · Chat
Someone who already knows your news gets a calm, personal request with no accusation in it.
Examples
Hi Kartik, I'd like to talk you through a change to next quarter's schedule before it's announced. I'm sharing it with the whole team next Monday, so I'd ask you to keep it confidential until then. If you'd rather not carry that, tell me beforehand and I'll hold off on the details. Thanks, Tanvi
Hi Kai, I have something to share that isn't public yet. Would you be okay keeping it to yourself? If yes, I'll tell you. If not, no problem at all.
What to avoid
- Revealing the news first and asking for secrecy afterwards leaves the other person no choice, so ask before you share.
- Giving an order with no reason or end point, such as “don't tell anyone ever”, feels heavy and unreasonable.
- Assuming the other person agrees takes away their say, so give them a way to say no.
- Hinting at consequences or using guilt, such as “I'll know it was you if this gets out”, turns a request into a threat.
- Asking anyone to hide serious problems that others need to know about puts them in a bad position.