“Don't take things personally”: how to say it politely

Say this instead

1. 01

   My feedback is about the work, not about you. I'd like us to get this version as strong as we can.

   Coworker · Chat

   Fits comments on shared work that might feel like a verdict on the person.

   Use for my message
   Copy
2. 02

   Hi Swati, my comments on the report are about the content, not about you. I'm raising them now so we can fix the figures before Friday's review.

   Someone you manage · Email

   Suits written feedback to someone you manage who may read it as criticism.

   Use for my message
   Copy
3. 03

   I disagreed in the meeting because I see the timeline differently, not because I doubt your plan overall. Could we compare views on the timeline?

   Boss · Chat

   Helps after you disagreed openly in front of others and want the relationship to stay steady.

   Use for my message
   Copy
4. 04

   I raised the scope question to protect the project timeline, not to criticize your team. Shall we agree how to handle extra requests from here on?

   Client · Email

   Good when you push back on a request and want the client to see it as about the project.

   Use for my message
   Copy
5. 05

   Thank you for your time. I've decided not to move forward with the role. It comes down to timing and fit on my side, and has nothing to do with how you've handled the process.

   Recruiter / HR · Email

   Use it when declining a role and you want the recruiter to know their conduct isn't the reason.

   Use for my message
   Copy
6. 06

   We aren't able to make an exception here. This isn't a judgment of you or your request, and I'm glad to explain how the terms apply.

   Customer · Email

   Suits a refusal of a refund or exception where the customer might feel singled out.

   Use for my message
   Copy
7. 07

   Hey, my comment about the handover wasn't aimed at you. I just want the next one to go smoothly. Coffee tomorrow to sort it out?

   Coworker · SMS

   Handy for clearing the air by text after a tense exchange, before it turns into a grudge.

   Use for my message
   Copy
8. 08

   That feedback was about the missed deadline, not about you as a person. What would help you hit the next one?

   Someone you manage · Chat

   Try it when feedback stung and you want to separate the issue from the person.

   Use for my message
   Copy

Examples

What to avoid

• Telling someone how to feel right after criticizing them can sound like you're dismissing their reaction.
• General reassurance that never names the specific issue leaves people guessing.
• Wording like “you're too sensitive” blames the reaction instead of addressing the point.
• A softening line can't excuse a harsh tone, so fix the tone itself.
• Vague praise added only to cushion the message can make the real point harder to trust.

Related phrases

• What to say instead of “pay attention”→
• A kinder way to say “you're rambling”→
• What to say instead of “respect me”→
• Better ways to say “there's room for improvement”→
• How to say “you're being mean” professionally→
• “I'm declining the interview”: how to say it politely→